Read The Transcript Of The Episode:

 

Wyatt Graves  00:00

Hey, what’s up everybody? It’s Wyatt Graves, your host of The Mentee podcast. Hey, if you are a follower of our show, then you likely would have listened to last week’s episode, my conversation with Mark Divine. And with that conversation had a lot on my mind after reviewing, and just diving into the content that we talked about. And I told you that I was going to have my next conversation with Ron Patulski. And Ron is my personal performance coach that I have a new relationship with. We just started coaching together about a month ago. And his work is changing my world in a good way. And I was excited to have that conversation I’m coming to you today, having just hung up with Ron. And the conversation that we had is again, it is packed with all kinds of nuggets, and really life changing principles and values and opportunities to just double down and really think about what you’re trying to accomplish with your life in your relationships, your job, your business, wherever you are just upgrading and finding a level of happiness, we talk about defining happiness, and how we might come into a life with more of it. We talk about the energy that we project into the world and that others project onto us and the effects of that I am on high right now. And I’m obsessed almost with this kind of work, because of the effects that it is having on my own sense of joy and happiness. And the relationships with the people that I’m leading. What I know to be true, from my own experience is that as I have these conversations with other people, they’re hungry for it, the feedback and the things that I hear from all of y’all, people that I know, and then I’ve met and that I have yet to meet, reach out via text or email, and let me know the kind of impact that these topics are having on your world. So I’m excited to bring this to you, hey, we even talk about it in the show, have a conversation with Ron, we talk about our relationship with ourselves. Now I talk about the relationship that I have with myself. And when I get clear whether you’re clear or not the energy that I project, and that I put into the world attracts whatever that energy is. And so I am have a mindset, a historical way of behaving that when I find out something new, and it can help other people, I want to go share it with the world, which is what I’m doing right. And we talk about how that may not be the right way to do it. Very interesting. So hey, I hope you enjoyed the conversation. If you do give me a five star rating on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you’re listening to this podcast at, go on Facebook rate our group, our page, that would mean a lot to me. And we’re still promoting free inner circle group coaching calls. And so if you want to sign up for one, it’s actually two months free, you can go to the mentee.com forward slash bonus. And you’ll see our class, it’s a little 20 minute class that I did. And you can sign up to become a member of the inner circle two months free, you have nothing to lose. And when you sign up for the inner circle, there’s going to be the class that I’m working on finishing and the immediate give that we provide to you is access to two group coaching calls with other people that are on the same journey. So I look forward to seeing you over in the inner circle. And I hope this conversation brings you as much value as it did to me. With that. Let’s get into today’s conversation with Ron Patulski. This is The Mentee podcast. I’m your host Wyatt Graves. And each week on our show, you will get to learn from World Class mentors who share behind the scenes strategies, which will help you level up your life and your business. Jim Rohn said you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If you’re interested in upgrading your file and living the good life. Then this podcast is for you. All right, man.

Ron Patulski  04:45

Wyatt? What’s going on brother?

Wyatt Graves  04:46

How are you doing today?

Ron Patulski  04:48

Well, how are you?

Wyatt Graves  04:49

I’m doing awesome. I’m super excited about being able to have another conversation with you really, these last three or four weeks have been they’ve been a whirlwind for sure.

Ron Patulski  04:58

Well, I have no idea what you’re going to ask me. But you know, let’s live. We’ll roll and we’ll, we’ll let it roll, right?

Wyatt Graves  05:04

Yeah, for sure. I just want to dive in. First of all, again, thank you for doing this. I started the mint tea about well, at the beginning of this year, just to give you a little backdrop, I purchased this podcast platform from Geoff Woods over at the one thing, and he had started it so that he could document conversations with mentors as he journeyed from employee to entrepreneur. And he believes and I do too, in the quote from Jim Rohn, that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And so he documented conversations with his mentor so that he could share them with other people. And they could benefit from those same conversations. I took over the show at the beginning of this year with the notion that I would expand our reach not just from employee to entrepreneur, but from wherever you are to wherever you want to be. And it can be in spirituality, it can be in physical fitness, it can be in key relationships, it can be in your job, your business, your finances, or whatever. And so I think I shared this with you whenever we first had our conversation that your name started coming up in conversations that I was having. And

Ron Patulski  06:12

I hope in a good way.

Wyatt Graves  06:14

Yeah, no, everybody was saying, You Have you talked to Ron, do you know, Rod Patulski, you need to get with Ron Patulski. And so anyway, the at the same time, these words performance coach kept coming up, or high performance coach transformational coach, and, you know, I’ve been a very, and you know, this, I think, from coaching with me that I’m an intense behavior profile, I have 1000 irons in the fire. And so I just put my head in the sand, and I just grind. And that’s just what I’ve always done yet. In my mind, there’s a reason and there’s a purpose. And so I’m gonna call it myself justification, right. And so, entering into this new year, I turned 40. This year, we had the pandemic this year, all these things that are just changing at record rapid speeds, have brought a lot of changes to my world at home, my wife doesn’t work as much as she used to. My oldest son is about to transition to a new school. So our, our traffic, and our drive pattern, our morning routine is going to change. My team is really performing at a high level, we’ve got staff changes at another company. And anyway, Ron, like, I knew that I needed to do something different. And we’ve talked about it, we’ve had these patterns, and these patterns show up. And we should be able to read a review or reflect on those patterns and see what’s underlying that needs to be changed. So nonetheless, when Vlad Kats he was the third nail in the coffin in terms of telling me that I need to speak with you. And so whenever he said that, I said, Vlad, I’m going to take you up on it. You’re the third person that said it, so I’m going to do it. And since then, I have to say that my world every day is balling, it’s just, it’s just the awareness, and the things that you’ve shared in concert with other things that are happening in my world with other consultants or coaches or whatever. And it’s just made me realize this, and I shared this yesterday on the intro to another conversation I had with Mark Divine, who is an author that wrote staring down the wolf. You know, that book.

Ron Patulski  08:32

You had mentioned it? Yeah, that read it. Yeah.

Wyatt Graves  08:35

So staring down, the wolf is staring down in his book, he talks about staring down the wolf of fear. And that fear comes from our head and on our heart. And what’s happening right now is that you call it I don’t even know what to call it, call it serendipity, synchronicity, the compound effect, dominoes, lining up all those things kind of describe where I’m at, in my journey with living the good life, as I say, on the show all the time, which is just living the life that I want. But and that statement is so short, and it seems so easy, but when we really dissect it, living the life that I want, not the life that my former self said that I wanted, based on my experiences in the past, but the life that I intentionally choose today, on influenced from past experiences. And that’s really the work that we’re doing. And what I’ve come to realize in my leadership role is that most people don’t stop and think about what they really want. Mike, we’re all products of this compound effect in the wrong way. That’s why I asked you to come on the show, because I think that the message you’re going to share today, if it’s anything like the messages that we talk about in our coaching calls, is a message that’s universal to just about all of our listeners, whether they’re focused on employee To entrepreneur key relationships, their partner, their spouse, their business, their finances, like everything starts with myself, and how we show up to the world and the relationship we have with ourselves. So I think I’ve probably talked enough. And if we just did nothing else, but let you share what you do, your experience, maybe some stories of breakthroughs that you’ve helped other people have, I’m just excited to be able to bring you to our people as a resource through this conversation. And then if people want to connect with you afterwards, having that broadcast out into our community, I think is part of what my mission is, which is to help people live their good life. And I think that we have to have conversations with people like you to get there.

Ron Patulski  10:44

So one of the things that you know, you were talking about that I think we’re in unique times, I don’t want us unprecedented, because it’s always used, sorry, it’s overused, but unique times and we actually have as a civilization, we have the first we can tell, I think, if you look at we probably have the most advanced civilization that’s ever that we know about. All right, you know, the Egyptians, and they were pretty cool with the way they move stuff around, I have deep respect for them. But when you look at technology, and the modern conveniences that we have running water, and all the kinds of things that we have, that we take for granted. So we live here in the United States, we are living in more abundance than ever, but there’s a dichotomy there, too, we have I don’t know if the number, it seems to me anyways, I don’t know whether this is absolute true, but yet we have more we have, it seems like more and more people living in the streets. So we have a dichotomy there. So there are some, some dynamics going on in this in our, in our current world, and you saw them come up in the pandemic, you know, was a perfect example, it was a pattern interrupt to all of us in our life. And we got us to rethink things, he got us to reconnect with family or disconnect with family, depending on what that was, and to really look at come to a place where, you know, what am I doing with my life? You know, why do I do what I do, and shifting and priorities. And so, you know, from that perspective, why they really do think, is painful as it might have been for a lot of us, and having to be in, you know, quarantine and wondering what this corrosion thing is, and whether we’re going to, you know, we’re going to make it as a civilization. Unfortunately, you know, many people did not make it or, you know, more people than we would like to think about. And yet there has been, in my estimation, some real good debts come out of that, it gives us an opportunity to really look at whether you’re 30, or 50, or whatever age you are, to look at, what do I want to do with the rest of my life. And so, you know, we look at that, and we have the ability to craft that and the world, what we are not taught from what I can tell growing up is whatever we represent to the world, the world will accept. All right. Now, if it’s illegal, or, you know, more, right, you know, there’s going to be laws or consequences to that. But you see people that, that whatever they say they want to be in greatness, when you look at people that have achieved truly great things like Mother Teresa, I mean, I think it’s pretty cool to say two words that everybody knows who I’m talking about, right? And or Gandhi, those are people that saw a world and wanted it to be different, and they didn’t complain about it. They just, you know, they just went after it. And every human being listening, has that ability. Now, do they potentially need skills? Perhaps? Do they need to view things differently, perhaps. And that’s where the performance transformational and the whole brain coaching really comes in. It’s really determining, and everybody’s different. Even though we’re a lot of similarities, you know, what actually is going on with one person, although on the surface way, look like the same thing going on with another person, if that’s not always the case. So one of the things our company does, and our coaches were highly trained in these methodologies is that we don’t make it we were human, but we attempt to suspend all assumptions. And so for example, when I started with you, if there was anything that seemed like I’d seen before, I mentally say, I mentally push it aside. Because I don’t want to put you in that box. And when I do, it doesn’t serve you or me. And so it what’s interesting about this type of coaching this type of work and connection, is it’s not me and it’s not you. It’s the combination of the energies and a third dimension, so to speak, and I want to sell them woowoo about it. I call it God that you know, it’s that international, the energy is there. really helps you in this case or the person that’s being coached, to be able to have realizations and to go to a different level,

Wyatt Graves  15:09

which I think in this is what I’m learning, which is, I’m just a little kid from the sticks in South Louisiana. And I grew up, I’m just a little kid from Liverpool in New York, okay?

Ron Patulski  15:23

three jobs. I’m one of five kids, we didn’t have a lot of money, you know,

Wyatt Graves  15:27

yes,

Ron Patulski  15:28

weren’t poor, poor, but we were rich, either.

Wyatt Graves  15:31

Correct. And so we, we, I grew up around a group of people that, as I’ve learned from you had a certain kind of programming, and that programming is exactly it shows up exactly when you just said, I can’t repeat what you just said, because you said it way better than I could. But it’s not just you. And it’s not just me, but there’s this third dimension, my programming, and I just feel it very, very present, from my upbringing says, Oh, my God, he’s crazy. That’s woowoo. And I have to fight that because the other part of me says, He is so right. And I know that you’re right, because I’ve experienced it. And it’s being aware that that condition can exist, it does exist. And using that awareness, bringing it forward into my other conversations, my leadership role, my management role, my family, because the thing is, is that people are not having these conversations, often. And so I am and then I show up in a world, a group, a community that isn’t, I know, something they don’t know. And until they know that they can only operate from what they know. And so like, it’s this, I have this extreme, I guess, personality that just wants to go tell the world, which is why I’m so excited about having a conversation with you here today. Because it’ll give me the opportunity to share that with people. And I even think it is spiritual, right? Like I tell people, and I’ve told you this, that relationships are my one thing, like my biggest fear is growing old, lonely. And when I dissect that path, or the journey that’s necessary to avoid that, it’s spending time quality time now with people because the conversation is the relationship,

Ron Patulski  17:33

right? What I think is really, really important, most of us are relegated to dealing with that fear of dying of like, being alone, right, like you’re saying, and so the concept is not to manage that the concept is to look at that belief, nobody has to, it actually becomes a choice now, albeit, a default choice when we are being run by the programming that’s creating that, but when their programming is shifted, we we not only die with everybody around us, but we also, you know, live a different life. And so that’s really what our work is about. And I want to you know, here’s what I would say flat out the work that we do. A, it’s been around for a long time. It’s based on a lot of methodologies. Essentially, though, it’s based on quantum physics, right? And in quantum physics being it because if you think about this, why it and I think the listeners would would agree, when you were growing up in grade school, or whatever we were taught the Newtonian model, cause and effect, you got to be able to see it, you got to be able to label it, you got to be able This caused this, you got to be able to explain it. Now we go into the invisible, which is quantum physics. Just because it can’t be seen doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Here’s an example. I don’t know about you. I live in a home, I flip a switch in the light squat. Why does that happen? All right, well, there’s electricity going through wires and to that switch, etc, etc. All right. Now, do we say electricity? Have you ever seen electricity? Because I have? No, okay. But we’ve accepted it right? Because we’ve associated with something physical, a light switch. And so that’s the first thing to really look at, I think are stuck at ness as people, including me, has to do with that old programming. And it was think about when you were growing up, and I hear it over and over and over for successful people that they were told that they’re crazy, or they’re, they’re a dreamer, whatever, hey, I say dream all you want because that’s what it’s all about. But these were well meaning people they really were, they were just going to their viewpoint, their perspective, which was generated by programming, and if they’re a cause and effect Newtonian type of person. You know, and you said, Hey, someday I’m going to be an entrepreneur, I’m going to be a millionaire, I’m going to be this I’m going to be a movie star, whatever they would go to, did this not happen, like, what they prove it to me? Or what are you basing that on? And now we’re basing it on something inside of us. A faith, right? And faith is Oh, is the substance of things desired and the evidence of things not yet seen. And so quantum physics when we is what coordinates it like energy attracts like energy. All right. And I love this quote by Einstein, he said, everything is energy. And that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality that you want, and you will reach it, you will get there. Yeah, this is not physics. But essentially, what he’s saying in that quote is, our thoughts matter. Thoughts are energy thoughts attract. So our thoughts is that I work with people, I’ve done this in my own life I get I get up in the morning, to be aware of myself complaining about anything, complaining about something that’s a complaint with myself or complain about somebody other person, or whatever. And you can become so hyper aware of the impact that that has, that you get to the point where you complain less and less. And because from a quantum physics perspective, what we don’t realize we think we’re alone, we’re complaining that energy is going out into the into, you know, our air, you know, into our environment. And that’s attracting a likeness of that. And so it’s really important to understand that what we think about whether we even if we aren’t aware of that matters, and what we complain about matters.

Wyatt Graves  21:50

I agree with that. 100%, when I got fixated on journaling in the morning, around gratitude, that’s when my world started to change. And when I say my world started to change, it wasn’t like my bank account changed.

Ron Patulski  22:04

Yep.

Wyatt Graves  22:04

But my sense of happiness, my sense of joy, the relationships that were important to me started to change. And I have to believe that that started putting things in motion that started to compound and the more I focus on gratitude, and the things that I’m thankful for, the more that I see, and experience all of those things. I’m living the law of attractiveness or the law of attraction.

Ron Patulski  22:33

That’s quantum physics. Which connections quantum physics Yeah,

Wyatt Graves  22:37

which this conversation that’s new to me, right? You, you tell me quantum physics, I need you to give me the definition of that right what you did. So I see that and there’s so much value in it. That’s all I can say. There’s just so much value in that.

Ron Patulski  22:51

Well, one of the things that you’re you stimulated in me was the fact that what people don’t realize we have been trained to do. All right, do this, do that you go to school, do your homework, do this, do that I’m going to go, I’m going to go here, I’m going to go there. We know where that I can tell in most of our upbringings, in a conventional school system, is where we’re taught the power of being. And so the power of being is our point of energy. And so who you’re being you tracked at the level of who you’re being, because your 100 trillion cells are vibrating based on who you’re being and who you’re being is based on the thoughts that you have. And so, you know, and here’s what I find really interesting. I don’t know if this is her thought. But I heard it from Marianne Williamson, she says, the abundance of the world is magnetized to a serene presence to a serene presence. So what does that mean when somebody is being at peace with themselves, and then they have a thought about abundance, and a desire for that abundance, and with faith will give that over and collaborate with the higher power, miraculous things happen. And people that we esteem, they did that. You can trace it back, people who have extreme wealth, who are doing amazing, who are really like deep human beings that are contributing to the world with love and compassion, and they happen to attract a lot of money and using that money in ways. And you know, there it’s not, there’s no ego there. It’s just out of humility. It comes from that serene presence. Now, we can attract a fair amount of money, you know, being an egomaniac, but the challenge with that is we have to put our head on the pillow every night and live with that person. And for my experience, I have come to you know, I have seen so many times over and over and I really question how much each one of us actually likes herself, or go to even more of a of a higher level loves ourself. And it’s incredible what we can what a human being can do. hopless not even liking themselves, and you know, feeling in the programming that really isn’t serving them that, well, an example, somebody says something to you, and you take it like I’m going to show you, I’m going to prove you wrong, right? That actually is a negative thought that can actually produce something that is positive in the short term. Now, whether you hang on to it as another way, their personal hang on to it’s another word, as another matter, but the energy involved is so energy is really important. And, you know, I have done some study around this, and I can’t remember who said this, but how we earn the money matters, the energy of how we attract the money matters. If we cheated somebody out of it, or there we had that type of energy, where we’re taking advantage of people, there is going to be you know, there is going to be an accounting of that, not from somebody being punished or whatever else. But it’s just simple quantum physics. So how that energy, you know, the energy that you live every day attracts certain things. And when you’re doing it with peace, with compassion for others, for compassion for yourself, the sky is the limit and out. Now I know that no, I remember the what Einstein said. And I think it is important. And if people would really take this to heart and attempt to keep this in mind every day, just that alone, that awareness could make a big difference in their in their life. He said everything is energy. And that’s all there is to match the frequency of the reality that you want. And you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This isn’t philosophy. This is physics. So it actually is rooted in physics.

Wyatt Graves  26:46

I love it, what it makes me realize this something that I say to people, when you look at successful people, and you figure out common denominators, you can see what they have in common that have led to their successful lives. And a lot of it is work around the exact things that we’re talking about. You know, that’s where we get the Miracle Morning from and that research that was done around that it’s because it’s true, you know, so I want to dive a little deeper if we can into that quote from Einstein, like, how do I match the frequency? What does that look like? Like? How do we do it? Okay, yeah, you gave me the formula. I’m ready. Now what?

Ron Patulski  27:28

Well, okay, so that would be that would be to deliberately, you know, attract something in your life or create something in your life. All right. So but the opposite is true. I think we just started here, why it was this concept that our energy we get up in the morning? And do Are we aware who we’re being, right, including myself, we can fall into, like a coma, so to speak, like could be a robot, and we’re just kind of doing Think about it. If you drove to to your office today, it’s like the you don’t even remember how you got there. Right? You’re unconscious mind driving it. Okay. Nothing wrong with that the unconscious mind is, is a extremely powerful, useful part of our mind. But my point is, is that how aware are we of who we’re being, because the more aware we are, the more choices we have. Some people don’t even doing things so long, we’ve done things so long that it become we become desensitized, and we don’t even know we’re doing it anymore. And so for example, you see people that they go to Starbucks, and their coffee isn’t right. And they’re going to be vocal about it, and they’re gonna start yelling and screaming. Now, I’m not saying they’re a bad person, I’m just saying, you know, is that really the most resourceful way to live your life? A, if you put a heart monitor on them, and their pulse, you know, their pulse increases their heart races? Right, right. Once you’re standing, you’re standing, you know, in Starbucks and United States of America. And what’s the reason you know, your heartbeat, and your pulse should be rising, and your blood pressure should rise. And so that awareness now they can get a tour now, if they, hey, if they say, Ron, kiss off, right? That’s the way I am, that’s the way I want to be. That’s how I want to live my life, hey, have that, okay. But there is going to be a match to that energy. And then they leave and it didn’t go right there. And then they want to go to the bank and get in and out, you know, invariably wasn’t going to tell you quantum physics is going to match the dirt as long as their energy remains. If they don’t shake it off. They’re going to have a hassle and something else to be upset about.

Wyatt Graves  29:30

So true.

Ron Patulski  29:32

You get upset about

Wyatt Graves  29:33

and so that helps me relate it to people don’t know what they want. They only want what they know. And so you said you have to be aware because the more aware you are, the more choices you have. That’s right. There’s tons of people I get people that call in and text and email that you know the show or the conversations have an impact on and what I know is that people in large numbers are struggling with being happy. Just overall happiness, and you’ve helped me understand the sort of the level of happiness that exists. So where do you start? If somebody is feeling unhappy somebody is wants to gain clarity around what they want to become? What’s the work? What is the activity? What do we do?

Ron Patulski  30:19

Yeah, again, it, it could be different for for people, but I’m getting some general things that certainly would help. And you know, I just want to go back and, and you said you were using the word have to I don’t you know, nobody has to do anything. All right. All I say when you have more awareness, you’re, you’re you’re going to have new choices. And those new choices can change your life. So so this is not like anybody having to do anything. But when you do that, when you have more awareness, things do change. So happy. All right, that’s a big word buy happiness to one. But I’ve had clients, you know, in the early days of business coaching, say to me, I’ll be happy when I have, you know, $10,000 in the bank, or $100,000, in the bank, I’ve had people that I coach, when they went under a million in liquid cash, they were freaking out, and they weren’t happy. So number one, happiness is defined by us. I once coach somebody 1518 years ago, they were worth at the time about $300 million, legitimate, I think they had $50 million in liquid cash. And they started working with me because they weren’t happy. And when we started digging into they said, they would be happy when they had enough money. Now, that’s programming, right? You most people listening would say, there were $300 million. And that’s not enough. to him. It wasn’t what their programming did with his his view was 300 million was not enough. So he had this he was on a treadmill, that he would never get off because he didn’t even have enough defined. And he would no happy if it hit him in the face. He didn’t know what happiness was. So as we started to explore what is happiness to you know, you can go get Webster’s dictionary out and everything. And if that helps, go ahead, ask other people, if that helps you go ahead. But ultimately, it comes down to your definition of happiness.

Wyatt Graves  32:19

So good goly, I asked a simple question. And it’s so good, because if we don’t define that, then we are just assumed this, Ron, we take on other people’s definitions of it. And then we become imposters, right we’re searching for somebody else’s definition of happiness.

Ron Patulski  32:41

And we’re usually not happy and what’s wrong with me. Because we went ahead and adopted, we forgot that we adopted it. So  that’s right. So really, it’s what I hear is the value in taking time to meditate to think about what’s important, what happiness means. One of the exercises you helped me do is reflect on relationships that really served me or fed my soul. I don’t know the words that you use. But then we dissected that to get to values that were present in that relationship, so that I could then carry those values forward, to synthesize new relationships, new experiences, to know whether or not they were going to serve me. So is thinking, is that why journaling is important? Is that an exercise that our listeners could do? I could do more of is just think more to process? What is makes me happy what I’m searching for?

33:43

Sure. Sure. You know, journaling, I think is a very valuable exercise in that, if you will, I there’s no concept that I just call it Roger early, you know, and if you’re really like in a negative state, for you to go ahead and just put that on paper, if you could, is amazingly helpful. It’s therapeutic. And then you start to realize, like, you know, with Roger Ling, so I would say to somebody who’s really you know, is not happy with their life, we want to create awareness quickly. So how you can create the weirdest quickly is, you know, all that self talk that we have, that we’ve got desensitized to, when we can put that on paper and see it and go, Oh, my God. And then yes, is question like reading this. If somebody treated you like this, would you keep them in your life? All right, they would be locked up, they may be arrested. And yet we’re talking but the whole thing is, is that we’re not even aware we’re doing that. And so awareness is really the first step to transformation. Because if you’re not aware, here’s an example of this goofy example. Let’s say you and I go to lunch. All right, I have some french fries and a hamburger, whatever. And I’ve got some ketchup on your side of my cheek. You can bring that awareness to me, right? You can say Iran. Yeah, it looks like you got something on your cheek. And that gives me a choice. I can say, Hey, I like it on my cheek, I’m gonna leave it alone. Or I can get mad that you brought it to my attention or whatever I’m going to do. But I do now have choices. You understand? wareness gives us choices. So one of the reasons I believe, you know, we’re unhappy is because we feel like we don’t have choices. People are in jobs feeling like, Oh, you know, I just, I’ve been here so long, I can’t make a change. I’m going to start all over. Well, you’re making a choice to stay. And so my middle at it. So if that’s going to be your choice, my recommendation, or the inquiry, or that I would have would say is like, how do you make it? You know, how can you make this more enjoyable? All right. Like, if you value fun, and it’s not fun work isn’t fun. How can you make fun? How can you make it more fun? Yeah. Can you joke around a little bit more work? Can you notify your face that you are happy? Everyone? Things like that? So this is really I mean, we’re getting to the basics here. There’s no magic answers, but I promise you these, these what appear to be simple things. They’re simple, but not easy. Sure. I don’t know how many people including me, like to sit down and journal can be overwhelming. You know, it’s like, where do I start? You know, that’s why I like rock journaling. And I just get your foot in the door. Hey, I’m up. You know, it’s four o’clock in the morning. I don’t know why I’m up. All

Wyatt Graves  36:22

right.

Ron Patulski  36:23

And then then things start to flow and you start Hey, I’m thinking about my day. You know, I’ve got a challenge. I’m wondering how it’s gonna happen. I’m wonder what people are gonna think about it. redistricting. Wow, when you see it on paper, this is it. There isn’t some papers, because it’s going through your your mind? Is it any feel

Wyatt Graves  36:40

so good. One of the spaces that I think some of my future conversations are going to take me and our coaching together has brought an extreme amount of awareness in the words that I use. And so I’m still adjusting. And I say that as a disclosure, before I say this next phrase, one of my perceived weaknesses, see if I can articulate it in the best way possible, is wanting more for other people than they want for themselves. And I’m in a position as the leader of a real estate brokerage and a team and employment opportunities where I have often lead with my recruitment conversations to come join my organization, whether it’s in the childcare world, being a director, being a realtor, an assistant, you know, an accountant, I often bring to the conversation, this notion of come work with me, and we will create all this opportunity for you to grow, we will create an opportunity for you to live the good life, it’s because that’s sort of what I’m motivated by. And when positions don’t work out. Or when I realize they don’t want what I wanted for them, it becomes difficult for me to lead them. And it’s me trying, I need help still to figure out, do you just recruit a different kind of person that’s already been through these iterations of self awareness? Or, like, how do you find people that want to make the right choices to go along with you in the business world,

Ron Patulski  38:20

you use quantum physics is what it comes down to. So what do I mean by that? Have in mind, the kind of people that you would like to that you feel would be a good fit? And then let and then let yourself be moved by that energy, that inspiration and attracting people? You know, I learned this the hard way. I you know, I thought I was being helping people and everything else, where I would start to get in people’s business. And I had no business being in their business. Right. I had a great intention. And we go again, that saying, we we judge yourself by our touches, Rijo, others by their actions? Well, you know, I would be judged by actions. And you know, and it occurred to me, like, don’t mess with people that don’t or that aren’t asking you for help. And you know, and so that’s what I think one of the first things that I think is a trend. I don’t know if this is the absolute truth. But the trend that I see is, the more awareness you start to have a person starts to have, the more they want to share with other people, and they want to just convert everybody, and they want everybody

Wyatt Graves  39:25

guilty. I’m guilty.

Ron Patulski  39:27

Yeah, well, and you know, that’s part of being human. That’s part of the empathy. We all have a heart. And there’s, there’s nothing wrong with that from us, it’s honorable that you want to do that. The challenge with it is it’s not very functional, because it only creates frustration for you, or whoever’s doing it, because you’re now not using quantum physics, you’re now just asserting into the life of other people. So the way to do it is to look at the opportunity that you have, think about what that would be like, and the kind of energy that would create. And now that that actually now starts to form the energy to be able to attract those kinds of people.

Wyatt Graves  40:11

That’s so good, I needed to hear that, because I’m obsessed with it right now. Because it’s having such a profound effect on my life, on my sense of happiness, it actually can start to chip away at your own self esteem. Because, you know, you think you have this feeling, you know, you can help people. And yes, you can help the people who want to be helped, all right. But none of us are that good to help people who don’t want to be helped. And I think that’s the epiphany that I’m starting to have in terms of this law of attraction and things of that nature. So I had my own demons to fight coming up into adulthood. And you know, and Exactly. And so the way that I coped with them was to muscle my way into success, right, and to muscle my way into opportunity. And all the while, I never addressed the relationship with myself. And so in that hustle in that muscle, and through I have attracted other people that were fighting from the same, I guess, perspective,

Ron Patulski  41:15

it’s quantum physics,

Wyatt Graves  41:16

yes. And so that their issues, compounded my issues, and prevented our team’s performance. Because I attracted people that needed the same amount of work in the same way that I was working on myself without even knowing it. And that’s exactly why I’m obsessed with this conversation, because that awareness is making me see that and then so it’s literally about shifting wealthy, I was about to do it again, it’s just to go find the other people, but it still starts with me.

41:48

Yes, it does. So the one of the reasons you and I are working together is because it’s about creating that awareness and then shifting what’s not working for you. So there is a concept, Carl Jung was the one that I believe is the one that noted the concept or form the concept. It’s called projection. So what is projection it Okay, he said, when I say perception is projection. So what is that our projection, our programming our beliefs of how the world should be, we are constantly projecting that out on to other people, and then that becomes our perception. So you, for example, potentially wanting other people to have these opportunities, it could be a part of the fact that you’re not all the way there for yourself. So you’re not at a place of acceptance or peace around that. And so because of that, whenever time you get some new stuff, you want to share it with somebody else. But when you come to acceptance, you come to a peace. And that’s when everything shifts, and then you have the clarity, because you’ll clearly not mess with people that don’t want to be messed. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t you know, you’re going to ignore them. But you might dance for them. But if they don’t want to help, like, No, you go help somebody struggling to open up the door, and you go to open up the door, they go, don’t don’t help me. All right, well, then don’t help them. All right. They just leave me alone. So true. That’s really a version of that we really, it’s actually for my here’s what what I concluded about myself, when I was doing this, I saw it as egotistical now has good intent. But it was really egotistical. It was like I can help you. I want to help you, let me help you. But they never asked him, you know, they never invited me in.

Wyatt Graves  43:39

Right? Well, and the thing about it is that when you use the door example, the thing that makes it hard is that people are not going to be that vocal about not wanting to help, they’re not going to say no, don’t help me, they’re going to actually in my experience to actually say they want to be helped, like their audio doesn’t match their video or their video doesn’t match their audience what phrase comes to my mind, when I recruit people into my world to come be a part of this opportunity, this environment, that supportive of the behaviors and the activities to get you where you want to go. And then you come and then you don’t show up, either emotionally or mentally or you’re just you don’t do the work. So say you want it but you’re not doing it. But you’re not telling me that you’re really unwilling to commit to the work to do it. You know,

Ron Patulski  44:23

well, it’s a coping mechanism like you bring me into your company from another company, you recruit me, I like you, I don’t want to let you down. So it kind of go along. It’s kind of a coping mechanism. We were human beings are always doing the best they can with what they have in that moment. We could only move to the light we’ve uncovered inside of ourselves.

Wyatt Graves  44:42

Oh, is that the same thing and processing that is that same thing of being aware having choices?

Ron Patulski  44:49

That’s right.

Wyatt Graves  44:50

Okay.

Ron Patulski  44:50

Yeah, it’s uncovering the light in us. And you know, I that actually that phrase I believe just came to me. I don’t know if I’ve ever read it or heard it, anywhere. But in all the work that we’ve done, I’ve realized that I really look at every human being as capable of doing almost anything. All right. And the reason they don’t do it is because of programming and desires to, you know, I know people that you know, have the talent to do something could be exceptional at it, but it doesn’t float their boat, right, nothing wrong with that. So I look at people I look at human beings is that we all basically are good. And now people go, how could you? How could you say that about a serial killer programming,

Wyatt Graves  45:32

I wanted to end our conversation with you explaining what programming was, because I know it from our coaching calls, but to just sort of give some context to the people that aren’t present on all those coaching calls, like you have programming and then you have your authentic self. Right,

Ron Patulski  45:47

right.

Wyatt Graves  45:48

And I’m struggling, our I’m on this journey with you to help me figure out what what is an authentic self, at its pure form versus a program self. So any insight, I think would be appreciated,

Ron Patulski  46:01

right? So Well, you know, the concept of programming as how I’m using it is an accumulation of life experiences that you’ve made that you’ve created a meaning with, which stands for or being influenced by beliefs, as you were growing up, you’re being told by a parent that money doesn’t grow on trees and believing that those are beliefs. So our program is a culmination of life experiences, beliefs, hearing people say specific things to us having people do things and interpreting that a certain way and making it into a belief. So that’s the comedy. And so and the bulk of that happens from a psycho psychological perspective, it’s believed to be that it happens from you know, from zero, basically, to about eight, nine years old, that about 85% or so of our programming happens that, so if that is the case, and I’m 63, which I am, I likely would have a nine year old running my 63 year old life, Wow, that’s really what it comes down to. So that’s why the awareness of the things we do how we behave, really gives us those choices do we want to be hopefully we want to continue to behave like a, like a nine year old. All right now, when we were smart enough to adapt it enough, but like holding a grudge, for example, is something you know, you would do when you were younger. But you know, when you’re 50 years old, and holding a grudge against somebody like your brother, your sister, your father, you know, where’s forgiveness in that? And see, when you get to the other side of forgiveness, oh, my words, I mean, your your whole life opens up because your heart becomes open? Well, your authentic self is really his being his minus programming.

Wyatt Graves  47:50

The challenge that all of that brings to me is that just as the law of attraction works for me, it also works for those around me. And so if they’re putting off negative energy, then I could be absorbing it. Right. Theoretically, I mean, that’s how I, that’s how I hear it. I can be influenced by it. And so for me, again, whether it’s analytical, digging too deep, but like holding a grudge versus holding a grudge versus cutting people off, like just protecting myself, from people who aren’t willing to do this work and become authentic positive

Ron Patulski  48:30

We do it to protect ourselves, it’s we always do it for a higher purpose. It’s always a positive intent, or even any negative behavior is done with a positive intent, believe it or not. So, you know, and that’s, you know, that’s just the way you the way it works.

Wyatt Graves  48:46

Tell me this, and this is what I’d like to just kind of close with, I interviewed a foster kid. He’s 17 years old, and he’s awesome. He’s written a book, he’s published a book, The name of the book is the greatest advantage. And the greatest advantage is the adversity in which you go through. Because it propels you to change right to grow,

Ron Patulski  49:05

is what you make it mean.

Wyatt Graves  49:06

That’s right.

Ron Patulski  49:07

That’s the Key, it’s not what happens to us. It’s what we make it mean

Wyatt Graves  49:11

the meaning that we put to it. That’s right. That’s so true. And that notion that rule that law, that principle is what’s revolutionary, revolutionising my world right now, because I’ve had all these things that have happened that I have a meaning, have attached a meaning to and now I’m getting to redefine those experiences, which is incredibly lightning, you know, it’s liberating.

Ron Patulski  49:37

Once we make a decision about something, it becomes our truth. And that forms a lens. And then we now view the world through that lens. So I’ll give you a real quick example of this. I do some pro bono work. And so I have a good friend, he’s philanthropists. And so he’ll refer people to me and it literally I’ll have a stranger call me and said so and so said Call, you know, I’m My name is this you don’t know me. Okay, so So hey, what’s going on? So I had this, this, this woman that called me and I had the time. If I have the time, I’ll just do it right that and otherwise we’ll schedule some time. And so she was self employed in sales and she was finding the sales were going up and down, you know, she’d have good months and not so good. So she was inconsistent or production, you know. So on the surface, who knows why that’s happening. Anyways, we got talking and come to find out when she was three, she was in a car accident, her mother, she’s obviously survived. Her mother did not make she her mother died. So now it’s her and her brother, younger brother, and her dad is left to raise them. And we don’t know what it was like for him to lose his wife. What other stuff was going on? Well, when she was seven years old, he literally took them to a relative’s house and dropped them off her and her brother off at the doorstep rang and basically rang the doorbell and said, you’re going to be with them? Well, and she had no contact with them ever since. So she had been making that mean that she you know, if he loved them, he wouldn’t have you know, he wouldn’t have done that. Hmm, we explored that she actually got to see there was probably one of the greatest act of love that he could have done. Well, he was not potentially capable, from his perspective at that time, told me so that was irresponsible. Well, it’s irresponsible also to raise somebody that you can’t, you know, a job for either, right? We looked at that way. So out of an act of love, he put them in better hands. And so literally, after that realization, she found him had lunch with him. And then he was the next one that’s meeting they were going to have, he was going to meet his granddaughter for the first time. Hmm. Because here’s an example of you know, of talking about a world changing his world, her world, granddaughters world, you’re going from an energy of, you know, I’m not lovable, or my dad did this to me or whatever, to seeing her dad for who he was. Right? And hey, there’s not always a happy ending from a perspective of, you know, there’s fathers mothers, you know, that leave, and people look to reunite with them. And, you know, frankly, it comes down to the realization that, that father, a mother just doesn’t have it. No, it has nothing to do with you. All right. If they don’t show any affection or interest in you, it’s not you inside of them.

Wyatt Graves  52:35

And I think that’s the the whole lesson that I’m trying to learn as a leader of people. And this whole attracting people that are my people, you know, and the people that will help move the things that I’m interested in along the people that want, what I want for them, and finding those people. And basically, what I’m learning is that people have to go through their own experiences in their own iterations to get to the point to where they become my people. Until then there’s somebody else’s people.

Ron Patulski  53:03

Yeah. And what I would say, Wait for my experience, if your experience is anything like mine, there are more people out there than you can ever even deal with. All right. All right. So

Wyatt Graves  53:14

So Ron, let me ask this, where can people if people want to get in touch with you or your company? Where can they reach you?

Ron Patulski  53:20

Yeah, our website, I encourage you to go look around and there’s a lot a lot of good stuff on there. It’s yourperformancepeople.com yourperformancepeople.com. If you want to email me it’s Ron@yourperformancepeople.com those are the two best ways to get ahold

Wyatt Graves  53:34

and you offer weekly coaching. You have coaches that coach

Ron Patulski  53:37

we offer a variety of different coach we offer you know, a program where people can turn an area around in their life to enhance that. So we have different offerings if if anybody has an interest in exploring coaching options and things like that, you can go to coach with ypp comm poach with ypp.com, and we answer four or five questions, quick questions, and then we’ll we’ll reach out to you and pull up have a conversation to see what your needs are, what your expectations are.

Wyatt Graves  54:08

Got it. Ron, man, thank you so much. This has been so awesome. I know. It’s gonna make a profound effect on our people. And if I can do anything for you in South Louisiana, you know how to find me and we’ll be unfound next week for our coaching call. I’m looking forward to it.

Ron Patulski  54:25

I appreciate the opportunity. Awesome. Again, thank

Wyatt Graves  54:26

you so much. Hey, thanks for listening to this week’s episode of The Mentee podcast. If you’d like to take what you learn in this episode to a deeper level, head on over to thementee.com/bonus to access a free 30 minute training today. And hey, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave me a five star rating with a comment. I read each one and I use it to deliver content that matters most to you. When you do this, you’re actually entered into a monthly drawing to win a selection of my favorite personal development books. And don’t forget to subscribe to our show on Apple podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcast. You can learn more about the mentee and our community visiting us at thementee.com. I’m Wyatt Graves, and I’ll see you next week.